Category: work

advice, life, love, patience, relationships, solitude, take it easy, value, work

Cancer.

Posted on by Dmitry

oh wouldn’t it be nice to have cancer.

Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to go.

It’s nice! PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

if things arent going well… I am doing something Wrong… they say.

well things have been kinda fucked up. and I really dont know wtf… wtf am I doing. Drinking? okay. yes. Maybe Im still drinking.

But more will be revealed! that’s also true… I guess. more is always revealed.

I discovered a new author. Christopher Lasch. historian. hehe. Cancer. Lucky. Died on Valentine’s day, did he?

You know I read this quote… yesterday. and I honestly don’t know what the hell he means. Maybe I should just get the book and see if he explains it further. Aren’t they both just SELLING something? what exactly is his point? that some things shouldn’t be for sale?? in most… states… heh.

is that what he means? I don’t know.

No, I never really was “Blazing through pussy” as one of my therapists used to say. too hard… fast… although yes I did have a nice year in Philadelphia. Philly was fun. no complaints. the last two uh… Quasi-relationships were with older gals… and I suppose there was a bit of a transfer of wealth in my direction. hehe. they weren’t bad looking, I’d do it for free… heh… but… hey the extra gratitude doesn’t hurt. I guess. I can always use more socks……. and food.

Was that really my objective? no… but how does.. Rollo say it? the “gynocratic social order” ?? is that what it’s about? Girls want what they want… and sometimes they’re even ready and willing to pay? and I really didn’t have much else going on. and all things considered… why not… it’s definitely better than the relationship I’ve been observing between my parents…. as we all know… by now.

Improper documentation of requirements always leads to many sleepless nights and angry people – ACCENTURE.

Good thing I remembered that one… hehe.

No. my only real objective for many years has been to see my father suffer horribly for making my life a living hell.

Strike 1 – Leaving Russia. You dumbass…. Strikes 2 & 3. didn’t fucking leave me ALONE when I actually had things going on… opportunities… in 2005. 2010 also. I could’ve been in a different fucking state and all he had to do was fucking LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Nope. he’s got to keep fucking up my life. But. But THIS IS AMERICA. and that’s definitely 3 strikes, by my count.

and you’re a fucking piece of shit. And you will not be TRUSTED. you will just be observed. very closely. you dumb little piece of shit.

is there another way to look at it? Maybe. But I still think My view is more right than any other.

What else am I doing wrong?

the DECISION MAKERS. heh. they’re somewhere. they can open doors, I am sure. if they want. but. the doors are closed and it’s really not up to me. what the hell you really want? I did have 3 or 4 months of no drinking a couple years ago. AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING. so what the fuck do you really want. I don’t have any more fucking stories. sorry.

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law, life, love, medicine, relationships, religion, school, society, value, work

a process of elimination…

Posted on by Dmitry

I know I should be doing something… but I just don’t know what.

I really don’t see any good ideas.

yes. half the time I really am just waiting… day dreaming… that some philosophical society will send me an award… or I get the Macarthur fellowship… it’s great. because you don’t even have to apply for those… you can just wait. hehe. and Visualize getting a fellowship. Like I said. I think I deserve it. it’s time.

yes, I’ve said many times, that some of my problem is being lazy, and feeling sorry for myself.

But look how far that got me! I’m 36. Not bad. World marathon record holder Kelvin Kiptum just died at 24. Hope he was sober… anyway.

what the hell am I supposed to do with myself?

I think I want to fall in love. hehe. Sometimes I run across the Deb McMillan Bridge in Rochester (MI) and see all these fucking locks hanging off it. fucking pisses me off. that really is a thing isn’t it? If you love someone, you go to the bridge, and you hang a fucking lock on it. Never got to do that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_lock

I’m always really good at coming up with reasons not to do shit.

Where do I start. Sales. Been doing sales since I was 12. Yes, I think that contributed to my depression. I’m more manic than depressive honestly. but. still. I’m not fucking doing sales. No more.

History. Well. you know. I talked about this before. they can’t even figure out what the hell happened on 911. Osama? heh. probably not. There’s Loose change (movie). there’s architects and engineers for truth. look it up. really. that’ll get you started. but… I bet if I open up a history book. it probably just says Osama. osama osama osama. hehe. No. I cannot take HISTORY seriously. Sorry. We’ve got to do better than that. I mean, actually. yes. I would be interested in figuring out what actually happened. but, apparently THEY dont want us to know. That’s why there’s all these fucking theories… and in my opinion… nothing really makes 100 percent sense.

Moving on to THE LAW. I probably wrote about this somewhere. the college friend who turned me on to Balzac all those years ago is actually a lawyer. hehe. LAWS ARE SPIDER WEBS… THROUGH WHICH BIG FLIES PASS. AND LITTLE ONES GET CAUGHT. Yes. there have been some great lawyers. Gerry Spence, I guess. But, mostly… I’m afraid it’s just going to make me even more insane.

Medicine. Well. you know. Some days I actually pray for cancer. hasn’t happened yet.

And speaking of Praying. How about theology. that’s always been big in America. Well. you know the story. I had an intervention. or something. they know. they know what happened. Cute psychiatric nurse starts talking to me about carpenters in Philadelphia. Not far from where Franklin flew his Kite (I just found out). and the Liberty bell. Very poetic. And shit, you know what. I think I saw God. something happened, that’s for sure. And since then, God hasn’t sent me a single email. So. Yes, some people busy themselves going to Divinity schools… but… well… honestly… what proof have you got, really? that God wants this or that. What fucking proof have you got to show me?

they didn’t even give me any pussy in college.

Finding that no religion is based on facts and cannot therefore be true, I began to reflect what must be the condition of mankind trained from infancy to believe in errors.

ROBERT OWEN
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books, life, money, relationships, work, writing

My idea!!!

Posted on by Dmitry

Some days I am actually happy (In jail).

dmitry dyatlov

Look Im really not going to put too much time into this…. but in the spirit of making Lemons out of lemonade… or no. the other way around.

Here’s a movie idea. Hollywood, hope ur listening. I think people are starting to tune in now. hehe. I think we might break new ground with this. Maybe even get a NOMINATION! somewhere….

Just make sure I get a story credit or something. Always wanted a credit on IMDB.

So it starts… just a guy in jail. He has an accent… Eastern european accent probably…. 20 minutes… just regular jail stuff. Yea, those first few days are always a bit of a shock.

But then. Slowly he just gets happier. and happier.

and you start getting some contrast. You see the happy moments of his jail life… Commissary from a girlfriend… making new friends… maybe a Football touchdown for the Lions?? Winning a chess match! Flirting with the nurse… hehe. and you see him just get happier and happier as he moves along. and months go by.

And you slowly get the contrast to his fucked up childhood. Yes. Flashbacks. probably an immigrant. Maybe from Ukraine… see. we know why people leave Ukraine and Syria. but in my case? in my case I believe the Major problem is my daddy was a piece of shit. and someone convinced him… that it’s better here…. hehe. hehehehehe. and he decides… TO START A NEW LIFE…. And the daddy is a spendthrift… and goes in debt. Too much debt. And he yells a lot. and makes his son work too much. and so on…

and he never fucking leaves the kid alone. he always fucking wants something. from the kid. Kid’s like 25… and daddy is aging. So we have an incident. at the end… at the end you kind of understand the situation. Daddy’s in a coma. and the Son’s fucking Ecstatic. in Jail. He’s so fucking happy.

yep. I think that’s a good story. for a movie. best one I had all year.

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books, communication, life, money, relationships, school, society, travel, value, work

LOSS PREVENTION

Posted on by Dmitry

I really did go back to Dresden with Guggenheim money (God love it) in 1967. It looked a lot like Dayton, Ohio…

Kurt Vonnegut

Guggenheim money is chump change, these days. What I really want is that Macarthur grant. 800k over 5 years, isn’t it?

ya, I think I deserve it.

So the topic here is… Stealing. Theft.

I think it was back when I read the Kite Runner. A character there said… any crime… or sin… can be expressed as a form of Theft. I think that’s about right… as I recall.

Retail fraud. hehe

I think there’s now an entire industry out there for coming up with New words for things that are pretty obvious…. I think I’d be good at that.

Where do I sign up?

Now what about a man’s life? My life, for instance.

I guess if I were a more enthusiastic Sociologist… or anthropologist, or something… I guess I would apply for some grants or some shit… to go back to Russia… track down my 1st grade class (I have a picture somewhere…) in Samara… and I would compare it… to the MS class here (Norup), for instance. Emma Czarnecki. Yep. She died… didn’t she? Why. I dunno. I heard things… But I don’t really know.

I’m just saying. I would track down all the people, and I would ask some basic questions. Like. ARE THEY STILL ALIVE? That’s one. Then maybe I would ask. Did they have a reasonable opportunity to start a family? I don’t know what that means, exactly, but the words sound about right.

God knows I worked a lot. But I don’t think I had a reasonable opportunity to start a family. So I would look at some of these… metrics, and then I would say. Well if they’re pretty close… across the US and Russia… then why the fuck did you drag me here? Why?

Yes… yes I know Russia was kind of Rough in the 90s… but. shit. Look at all the shit I had to go through here… just to get through… College… hehe. and for what fucking purpose? Why?

And let’s go back to Jim Smith, for a minute. Ya. that one. The Labor department Smith.

there was a situation. He wanted me to apply an Exemption that didn’t exist.

Exemptions are narrowly construed, as an employer must prove that the employees fit “plainly and unmistakably” within the exemption’s terms

Wiki??

An employee was supposed to get 5,000 in back wages, by my calculations.

And Jim Smith said no. We’re not gonna make the EMPLOYER pay for this shit.

I think he was serious.

And I say. WHY? Jim, you had me study THE LAW, for the past 3 months. Why are you trying to grant the employer an EXEMPTION that doesn’t exist? Why? Clearly, there’s no exemption here, because, One the employee was paid by the hour, and Two, he was mostly performing manual labor. The fact that he was making 100k alone doesn’t grant an exemption in this case.

That was the law last time I read it.

We’re supposed to be protecting the EMPLOYEES here, aren’t we? What the fuck are you doing?

You’re about to allow 5,000 DOLLARS of wage theft. Why the fuck are you doing this?

and, more importantly, how many times have you Done this, over the course of your career?

You fucking piece of shit.

Well I think eventually I won that argument.

But why was there a fucking argument in the first place?

Why? Are you role playing? You should tell me, Jim, if we are role-playing.

Seemed to me like you were pretty serious about that one, for a while.

Ya. I know. I know you fucking remember. Scumbag.

America is a fucking shithole. Stop dragging people here.

Stop.

but, while I am here, I urge all readers, to writer letters to the WHD at the US Dol, so I can finally go back to doing my work. Please.

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd

Off topic
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babies, communication, life, love, money, news, relationships, religion, school, society, value, work

the Beginning.

Posted on by Dmitry

I have to constantly remind myself that I play the game on a different level.

if some dumb bitch does not know for sure that she wants to make my babies

then I really don’t give a shit.

that’s one of the most valuable lessons I took from Russia. I had a girlfriend. I really did. She said my Mom was to be her Mother in law.

and I won’t forget. I’ll never forget that this is what Russia had for me. And America got me nothing. just a bunch of Random, BULLSHIT work. Fuck you. And Booze. I won’t complain about the booze, I guess. I love booze.

Who won the cold war. who knows. maybe no one. The ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS textbook says victors only Seem to win. it also says Visual proof is pretty weak proof… of anything.

But the world will always crave Beauty, will it not?

Birth control? Well I don’t know. I can’t say it is bad altogether.

But… but I am perfectly happy to see Russia aligning with the more traditional cultures… China… South America… maybe India, where they do seem to acknowledge the idea that something happens to a Man’s motivation when he finds out his beautiful 25 year old bride has actually had something like 20 to 30 other men’s Cocks already inside her.

Hmmm. Ya, I’m gonna say something’s wrong with that. Something just doesn’t feel right…

I won’t hide it. I suppose this is my little dating advertisement. It’s right here.

I’m 6’2 / 160 pounds maybe… I don’t eat much.

I run a 3 hour marathon.

Great education (Ross school of business)

I speak 2.5 languages.

So, I don’t know what else you ladies could possibly want. I tried getting a job First before. I tried that already. That didn’t work out. It did not work out for some reason. I can be a lying piece of shit at the US Labor department. I cant do this. It doesn’t take long for them to just give me some bullshit job where I cant be a lying piece of shit, who doesn’t know what is going on around him. that’s basically what they look for, I think. From my experience.

Jurgen Habermas… for some reason I really love this lecture –

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advice, democracy, religion, society, work

to tolerate the intolerant…

Posted on by Dmitry

I think it was back in college that I had said once… true tolerance means you’ve got to tolerate the intolerant!!!!!!!

And I thought I was real smart. Years later… in fact not too long ago, I discovered that Karl Popper thinks I’m wrong… and now I am trying to understand his thinking… about tolerance… I’m sure he must be more right than I, because… after all, he was Karl Popper! And I’m a guy with a blog.

if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them…

Karl Popper

Then today I was thinking… well isn’t Tolerance kind of like Alcoholism… in that it’s Progressive. Murder is wrong. We won’t tolerate that, right? And we try to uh… keep drug use in society at a certain manageable level… I guess. Some things are Kosher… others not so much. Next I thought about religions. Well some things kind of make sense… and some things are kind of out there… I still have to get to a meeting of the Aetherius society. I know they’ve got a little lodge nearby. The aliens are coming…. I mean, as long as they’re not serving that Jonestown kool aid… I guess it’s still cool, right?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aetherius_Society

One society’s “tolerance” could be viewed… well, somewhat restrictive by others, right? I don’t know. I don’t really know what I am trying to say here… but it seemed important about an hour ago…… for some reason.

I guess I came up from a middle class background… more or less. Get through school, find a job you can tolerate, do your work. Don’t rock the boat. But then I watched that Jack Canfield movie. And he said I can have anything. ANYTHING! Just put it on the vision board. Ask, believe, receive. I started to drink in college, and eventually it was time to join AA. They told me about a loving, powerful God. Well that’s even better. At some point I started looking for this Higher power, and started tuning into Joel Osteen. Explosive Blessings! Wow. Now my expectations are REALLY high. Once in a while some asshole says something about getting a job, and I tell the fucker to go back to China. “Get a job” is not in the 12 steps. Fuck off…

By, Me
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babies, books, communication, life, news, relationships, school, society, war, work

London.

Posted on by Dmitry

Of course, I would never go against England because I was Basically raised on James Bond and the Hobbit. even in Russia. Why? Im not sure why….

And thats why this whole UK / Ukraine / Russia war seems unbelievable to me…

and I spent the last 10 years playing Runescape.

I think my great challenge in life has been to understand this Spiritual awakening thing some people like Eckhart Tolle talk about

Yes, I think it is real. and I think I had something like it. and I think it takes a lot of pain.

Love? yes. I love many people. Some of them are men and some of them are women

Bisexual? I would rather not put people into categories… like that.

I like to fuck girls, and talk to men…. how about that?

Alan Turing. Well. You know I keep hearing different versions of that story.

I believe the idea Today is more about who gets to make the babies… more than how to kill them, do you understand?

There are Elves out there who keep changing history. Really. they’re out there.

Sometimes they talk about “chemical castration” and sometimes… its suicide or something else.

I suspect what really happened is he got put into witness protection somewhere… and some BS got made up about what really happened. And maybe we did get to turn the war around because of him at Stalingrad.

Who the fuck really knows anymore. Right?

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2084970/

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books, charity, life, money, relationships, religion, solitude, work

You will never like me more than you like me now… a tribute to New Orleans.

Posted on by Dmitry

economics is about how people make choice, sociology is about how they don’t have any choice to make…

Russell?

this is the start of something beautiful….

Ya fella lookin for work?

No, sir, no I am not. I Am looking for money, usually. and work always seems to get in the way, doesn’t it?

I’ll be conducting a sociological / economic experiment this winter. I’m going to find an intersection, somewhere in New Orleans. I’ll grow my beard out. I’ll have a large sign that says. Please Help. God Bless. I just want to see if I can make more money than the minimum wage just sitting there. for a couple of hours every morning. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Weather’s supposed to be nice. I’m gonna get a tent. I’m going to see if I can make it through the winter. Just livin’ off nature’s land… and asking commuters for money. and what do you really need if you don’t worry about lodging? you want your cuppa coffee, right? You want a decent lunch, I guess. and the rest of the dough you can spend at some bar at night. Right? Just wanna see if I can make it.

A few days ago, an idea popped into my head that I should write a story about a suicidal hypochondriac with a touch of OCD… who’s also an alcoholic. And then I thought. oh wait a minute, that’s just me…

If you dont work THE STEPS… You’ll be living in a van down by the river. – attributed to Chris Farley?

Years ago, one of these ex-sponsors gave me this warning. And today. 12 years after rehab, thousands of MEETINGS later, I’m beginning to think. I’ll take that deal. I just hope there’s a real van down there by the river. When I get there. I guess I should pick up a tent at Walmart on the way. I know they have alligators around there somewhere. I gotta ask about that. That’s something I’m going to try to avoid.

I’m going to pack. Im going to put on that Christian cross I have stashed away somewhere. For times like this. I’m not making fun of religion. I’m really not. I am not anti-religious. See, thinking back to all the times I was close to death gives me… some kind of meaning. no, not meaning. But I guess belief, that maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe God’s not done with me yet. But I don’t know. I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing here. What haven’t I tried, God? I think I tried everything… within reason.

New Orleans has been at the top of my Bucket list for years. I don’t even know why. I have absolutely nothing to do with New Orleans. I guess it’s supposed to be warm. The hottest girl I’ve ever met went to Tulane. I believe she said she had no choice… hehe. I guess I like Cajun food. I like that Jambalaya. it’s good stuff. Oh, and I guess there’s the movies. Easy Rider… Runaway Jury… Deja Vu with Denzel. What else is there. Sonny… hehe. that’s a good one. And there’s the one about vampires with Brad Pitt, right? All very good New Orleans pictures. IN BOBBY LONG, the narrator says… this town’s some kind of… Siren, right? and I do believe it finally seduced me… The Big Easy. I’ve got to check it out. Oh, Isn’t that where J K. Toole was from? Yep. That’s right. 31 years old. the man made a dent in the universe, for sure.

So I get my sign. I find an intersection. And what happens? Oh. 35 bucks after two hours. Saturday morning. You might think Sunday’s the day. It’s church day. But no. nooo. Sunday’s the day they dread Monday. they don’t want the kids to see people like me getting free money. you know? But Saturday. saturday’s the day to seek charity. You see, they still think they’re free. hehe. That’s when they’re generous. They think they’re free….

I’ve been doing this a while now. I guess it’s fair to say this is par for the course. I dont know what the laws really are that regulate this kind of uh… occupation. Sometimes someone will yell get a job. or a cop will throw you a 10 and ask you to find another location for the rest of the day… or week. But. hey. the preachers do it. I’m just more honest about it… I think…

So. yes. I’ll have my lunch. And I’ll go to Audubon park. And then I’ll find the dive where I’ll be exchanging the rest of this money for… heh poison?

Oh look it’s a girl. No. No I will not take your number. Not tonight.

You see, I promise you that you’ll never like me more than you like me now. So let’s just get it over with. Look at me. I shaved… this week. I just got a job at the docks. I’m no more than 5 drinks in, and your best friend just fucked your other best friend. So what the fuck are we waiting for? We will never have a more perfect moment.

and she is convinced. The stars align. we walk a couple blocks. find her place. she hands me another beer, and lights a candle.

The End.

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advice, business, life, money, society, value, work

Black Americans…

Posted on by Dmitry

Sometimes I feel I must comment on this… Subject.

Honestly, I do feel lots of empathy for Black people here

I was also dragged here (America) against my will.

mostly because of Idiotic parents, but also facilitated by the US state dept. Lottery, eh? Nice.

and they all said this was a GOOD THING.

no.

Stop it. Stop dragging people here. This is not a good idea.

It’s time to stop.

Anyway. Now that we’re here.

You eventually begin to wonder how Money really works.

Some people are good at making money. Sure

But… sometimes… there are times.

The Government. decides to pull money out their ass

to protect the assets… investments… accounts of certain people… or Entitities.

They just pull money out their ass.

but. But then they turn around. and they tell you ya still gotta earn that Honest buck!

Earn the Honest buck!! in that same currency… they just pulled out their ass.

Ya gotta tell them to fuck off.

Fuck off. I didn’t even get any pussy in college.

Well. that’s what I say, Anyway. You say whatever you want.

But in that general direction.

Two Economists I follow are Chris Martenson and Aaron Clarey. They have Utubs…

Good luck.

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babies, business, communication, democracy, money, news, relationships, school, society, war, work

Mindfuckery and Geopolitics

Posted on by Dmitry

Mr David Brooks I think said writing’s about working out your own shit…. in public. and usually there’s some value in it for other people, too. I don’t think anyone in my family is Actually anti Semitic… on a good day, I think even my parents would agree that people should be judged by the content of their character…. on a case by case basis. There is ongoing discussion about what that “Content” should be… but that’s a story for another day.

they… they also say, you need to spend as much time walking out of the woods…. as you did getting lost in there. Some kind of metaphor. and Probably more or less accurate. So the mindfuckery, for me began in 1998. we’re going to America. hehe. it’s better there. that’s what they said. we won a Lottery. In 2011, I believe the mindfuckery began to end. I had a spiritual awakening. So what is that? 12 or 13 years each way. Sounds about right.

I understand that there is some confusion about what actually happened in 1991. I suppose much of the West saw it as some kind of victory? Whereas… if you pay attention to people like… Gorbachev… Jeff Sachs… maybe Mearsheimer… the idea was to establish friendly relations after Russia decided to abandon communism… something like that. Hence the LOTTERY.

But, honestly, as I’ve written here, and elsewhere, I can’t see what great good it did me, so far, to move to the States, from Russia. Everyone seems to work a lot. My mom used to get upset and start packing her bags every 6 months or so… hehe. And now I’m begging “Them” to send me back to Russia. Because I don’t understand. I really do not understand what the hell is going on around here. They said the schools are great. Well I believe I did test that theory. University of Michigan. I am an alcoholic. thank you. now what? I remember taking a Marriage & Family class. So I think I did my part… hehe. I am still not married. The main thing I remember learning is that The Family is an extremely violent institution. Fair enough. Perhaps those are the facts. I won’t argue. But I don’t recall hearing any Great solutions worthy of a Great institution… University of Michigan… ahem.

Another major source of confusion, for me was… I began to run into these… uhh… well Russian Jews I guess. I understand they left as refugees a few years earlier. Mostly worked in engineering fields. A lot of them got jobs within the auto industry. I mean… I don’t know. I suspect they may have had more reasons to Leave Russia or USSR than we did… but the fact they were better off than my parents and I really disturbed me. I mean. what the hell. I’m a goddamn lottery winner. That’s what I remember. About 1998.

And now… well I don’t know. My parents go to work and I write poetry.

Who gives a shit who blew up the Nord Stream? Russia…. US… Norway. Who gives a shit. the problem, as I see it, you cannot have the “defensive” NATO alliance which should have been phased out after 91, continue to expand, while taking advantage of Russian resources. I think most Russians have some respect for the West and it’s culture (especially Europe), but if this Unfriendly behavior continues, naturally, Russia decides to sell the oil & gas elsewhere. Ya can’t have it both ways. Do ya get it yet??

Live not by Lies!

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