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deaths of despair.

Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together – Petrarch

By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be – Irvine Welsh

no, not depressed today. Actually, I am probably a little Manic. thats why.. that’s why I’m in a writing Mood I guess. But.. couple days ago I was watching a little talk by Niall Ferguson on the subject. We’ll come back to that…

You know one thing I really am grateful for.. is my Memory. Some people say that’s why Hemingway Off’ed himself. He saw he lost the magic. Electroshock fucked something up. Once in a while, I think I still have THE MAGIC. uh… I’ll come back to that also.. Maybe today. Maybe Not.

Four years ago I posted on Facebook, hey look, I made it to 33 and I am still alive. I Outlived Jesus of Nazareth. And Now I got 4 more years. Nothing much has changed.. but.. hey, I guess most people think it’s better to be alive than the alternative.

I did. I did try to contact “Poverty Solutions.” Because in AA they tell me to ASK FOR HELP. So I did. I found the Appropriate resource, and I Asked for Help. Yep.

For some reason these idiots referred me to the Police department, Again. And I want THE WORLD to see this. I want Someone to explain to me WHAT THE FUCK is going on. WHY are these scumbags avoiding responsibility? Why do you believe that a 36 year old male with 39 cents in his bank account, Living with Mom Does NOT qualify for your help. You’re the University of Michigan. You say you’re Solving poverty. I want you to Grow the HELL up and DO what you say you’re qualified to be doing. Just Grow up!

This isn’t funny anymore. I am really not making a joke here. Someone has to GROW THE HELL UP.

This morning in the shower what I really wanted to write about was.. sex or Self pity. Which would you rather have? Of course you need to have had both to make an Informed decision. And you know what. you know what.. I think I’m leaning toward Self-pity. What is it now? 28 years left. till I get that Social security check. If they don’t solve my poverty Sooner. Fine. you know what. FUCKING FINE! I can wait 28 years. I keep getting better at waiting. I’ll ride this horse all the way to Retirement!

It’s not like I haven’t tried other things. I got this guy’s book. D. D. Burns. And I can’t get through the fucking chapter on Motivation. He’s supposed to be as good as they come. Fucking Amherst, UPenn, Stanford. Holy shit. I even said I’ll work for him. he needed a test driver for his Ai therapist I think, but I assume the position has been filled. Oh well.

My real therapist, currently, sometimes talks about REALITY. Reality? You know what that makes me think of? That makes me think of Freight trains. That’s as real as it gets, buddy. If you don’t get out the way of That thing, game over. Reality. Fucking asshole. No. I’m really not depressed today. this is not a “Gesture”

I just want him to get a little more specific, that’s all. If by reality you mean you want me to get a shit job, for shit money, and do all this while I’m SOBER, Well you can go Fuck yourself. Reality. THAT is why I think of Freight trains.

Yeah, I used to think girls were real special. Like most young men.. I thought.. I thought if one day I would actually make love to a really beautiful woman, things would change.. dramatically. Something Fantastic, and Magical would happen. Have I done it yet? Heh, I’m not sure. I guess eventually I made up in quantity.

You have to define success and be happy when you get it!

That’s it. That’s my little therapy tip. Original? I think so.

You know if I did have.. a Magic wand.. a time machine, I wouldn’t even go back to 2009. Because if I could have a do-over with Roxi.. well.. well then I wouldn’t have Any Self-pity!! Why would I give THAT up? HAHAHAHAHA.

But I Would go back to… 2010. Because that’s when I met M. no wait.. maybe it was 2011 already. Anyway. It was that Winter. I believe it was pretty cold. She broke up with BOYFRIEND. She was in town for training, a week? and Oh God She was something. We were, what? 23 and 25 I guess. I thought it was perfect.. MEANT to be. mm.. I know her name.. I know where she went to school.. but you know what.. she met my friend.. Rafferty. They seemed to get along.. Rafferty is dead by the way.. I am pretty sure. Suicide probably. For other reasons. Anyway. I was jealous.. of course.. and I believe the Bro Code says, I SAW IT FIRST, so its supposed to be mine. I went back.. grabbed my bag from her hotel room that I strategically placed earlier (sneaky), and I just had to leave. I think we started off well, but my drunken self was eventually creeping her out. She said maybe tomorrow.. hehe. No. I stayed away from the Crowne Plaza that week. Maybe she found Raff again. Who knows. I am sure if I DID have a time machine.. I could make that night work, eventually. But.. I don’t know. I don’t seem to meet spectacular women anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m not that hungry. Maybe it’s just impossible.. to make it work. Maybe I’m too addicted to Self pity.. No going back.. no going back they say.

Memory. yes. when we run out of booze, we feed on memories. I think it’s not a bad way to live.

books, life, relationships, school, society, solitude, writing

Time flies….

So Philip Zimbardo died earlier this month. I also had sort of a near death experience.. if you follow my other publication.. well maybe you know. Seemed like a trap. really seemed like some kind of trap to me. Thought I’d catch a ride on a freight train.. always wanted to do it. anyway. you probably want to JUMP OFF the thing maybe before it starts goin over 20 miles per hour or so. it won’t be a soft landing…..

I do.. I really do have to get going on finishing up this little project. My work.. no, Hobby the past 10 years has been the collecting of quotes.. and Im up to 3230 so far. And I suppose it is time to pare down the list to just the ones.. I really cannot live without. Let’s say Elon Musk figures out how to augment your brain and working memory and stuff.. and really makes us all.. Wiser? let’s say it works out. and I wake up in the morning. And I want to download a list of things TO REMEMBER. every single day. let’s say it’s a list of 365 little reminders.. then I suppose this would be my list. You might have seen these little meditation books that are popular with people who Used to use drugs.. or Christians.. both. anyway.

If you’ve got Strong ties to Hazelden publishing, maybe put in a good word?

I decided to give myself an Education I missed out on.. when I was busy boozing at UM. Didn’t even get laid. Fucking unbelievable. I don’t know how they get away with this shit.

I thought I had KILLER title when I first tried doing this a few years ago. but.. the list grew. this’ll probably be published in 3 parts.. 120 – 120 & 125. perhaps I’ll shuffle them around a bit later. I do realize this first one here is quite a bit biased toward Male authors.. all I can say is.. I sort for powerful ideas.. that resonate (with me). But.. I know. I know I’ll try to add some Diversity later… I think I’ll limit each author to 3 appearances.

So, here it is. Have another drink from my.. Fire Hydrant. heh.

The fact that you have unlimited texts does not necessarily mean that you cannot stop talking: Meditations for recovery from the compulsive behavior of your choice.

  1. If you put good apples into a bad situation, you’ll get bad apples – ZIMBARDO
  2. A sane person to an insane society must appear insane – Kurt Vonnegut
  3. I don’t want my past to become anyone else’s future – Elie Wiesel
  4. A conscience is that still small voice that people won’t listen to – Carlo Collodi
  5. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society – Krishnamurti
  6. The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history – Orwell
  7. Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it – Orwell
  8. I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion’ – Muhammad Ali
  9. Love is giving something you don’t have to someone who doesn’t want it – J. Lacan
  10. Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today’s employer is seeking – John Kennedy Toole.
  11. You could tell by the way he talked, though, that he had gone to school a long time. That was probably what was wrong with him – John Kennedy Toole
  12. If reason ruled the world would history even exist? – R. Kapuscinski
  13. How many things have been denied one day, only to become realities the next – Jules Verne
  14. Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence – Arthur Clarke?
  15. If you can’t state your position in eight words, you don’t have a position – Seth Godin
  16. Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death – Erik Erikson
  17. Being busy is a form of laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action – Tim Ferriss
  18. Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it – JK Rowling
  19. A person you excuse from any genuine challenge is a person you do not truly respect – John McWhorter
  20. Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact – George Eliot
  21. To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive – Robert L Stevenson
  22. Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose – Eckhart Tolle
  23. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living – Eckhart Tolle
  24. He who goes about to reform the world must begin with himself, or he loses his labor – St. Ignatius
  25. For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them – St. Thomas More
  26. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts – Will Rogers
  27. The map is not the territory – Alfred Korzybski
  28. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away – Philip K Dick
  29. A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world – David Cornwell (le Carre…)
  30. I never think that I am the one who must see to it that cherries grow on stalks – Carl Jung
  31. One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple – Jack Kerouac
  32. Absence of Evidence is not Evidence of Absence – Carl Sagan
  33. It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way – ROLLO MAY
  34. Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something – Robert Heinlein
  35. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with – Jim Rohn
  36. sooner or later she had to give up the hope for a better past – Irvin Yalom
  37. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe – HG Wells
  38. What really matters is what you do with what you have – HG Wells
  39. When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice – Andre Gide (or Saul bellow… hehe, I gotta look this one up again)
  40. The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself – Bernard Malamud
  41. All of us are prisoners, to one degree or another, of our experience – Gary Hamel
  42. We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We’re a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don’t really have an explanation for – Malcolm Gladwell
  43. The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men – Plato

44.. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools – Herbert Spencer (that reminds me of something…..)

45. Never complain of that of which it is at all times in your power to rid yourself – Adam Smith

46. There seems to be some perverse human characteristic that likes to make easy things difficult – Warren Buffett

47. No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true – Nathaniel Hawthorne

48. No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man – Heraclitus

49. Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are a part of the mystery that we are trying to solve – Max Planck

50. If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants – Isaac Newton

51. Integrity has no need of rules – Albert Camus

52. He who loves the more is the inferior and must suffer – Thomas Mann

53. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment – Emerson

54. Prejudices are what fools use for reason – Voltaire

55. ..our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers – M. Scott Peck

56. To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible – Aquinas

57. None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free – Goethe

58. It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness – Tolstoy

59. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light – Plato??

60. To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult – Plutarch

61. To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail – Maslow

62. If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later – Maslow

63. We’re developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won’t be able to think – Rod Serling

64. One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries – AA Milne

65. Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important – Stephen Covey

66. All language is but a poor translation – Kafka

67. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate – Carl Jung

68. We are not rich by what we possess but by what we can do without – Kant

69. It is very difficult also to sacrifice one’s suffering. A man will renounce any pleasures you like but he will not give up his suffering – GI Gurdjieff

70. My destination is no longer a place, rather a new way of seeing – Proust

71. No matter how thin you slice it, there will always be two sides – Spinoza?

72. It’s necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live – Dumas

73. If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they’ll kill themselves laughing – ALBERT ELLIS

74. Humility is the awareness that there’s a lot you don’t know and that a lot of what you think you know is distorted or wrong – David Brooks

75. The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere – Anne Lindbergh

76. Beauty fades, dumb is forever – Judge Judy

77. Non nobis solum nati sumus (I think that’s something about Selfishness..) – Cicero

78. The more we love someone, the less we flatter them; it is by excusing nothing that true love shows itself – Moliere

And that’s about it for today. Uh. Yeah, a little short of my goal. But. We’ll see. We’ll see if I can come up with another 290 meaningful quotations from the Master list… Left some question marks when I was unsure about authorship… That might be a challenge if we want to get it all right.

To be Continued.

365… There are only two ways of telling the complete truth–anonymously and posthumously – Thomas Sowell.

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hide and seek

my friend told me to finish my novel before I finish my next tube of toothpaste

there’s a challenge.

you know I did find a nice place to hide in this annoying town .

there is a roof of an abandoned warehouse. You have a metal ladder you can climb.

haul some water up there and you can live

for weeks maybe. Months?

you look around and see the hospitals the bars and gas stations. Apartments. You see folks moving around and wonder. Why are they in such a hurry?

you can’t pay me enough to live like this.

Vonnegut wrote something about this. The Uwtb. Universal will to become .

what does it all come down to. Love and money. And if there’s enough money you can probably buy love.

sorry. Sorry!

I guess I’ve been alone so long it doesn’t bother me. If I keep sleeping on the roof my guru will show up and explain everything to me.

What are you still trying to turn yourself into?

what is it?

nope. I don’t have it. I’m just me. sometimes I don’t even use my name. I’m Alex or boris or Sergei who played with them Wings in 95.

yes it’s fucking unbelievable. It’s 2024 and people haven’t learned how to stop going to war. Is that really why I drink so much?

maybe.

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If you can’t compensate me for my suffering, then at least reward me for my achievement.

I drank coffee and read old books and waited for the year to end – Richard Brautigan…

Look it’s not funny to me. Some people say.. oh.. my parents seem to get smarter as I get older.

haha. Good for you, I guess. Mine seem to get dumber every year as I successfully dissect more and more of their lies.

Really.

Yes. I want to write a fucking book. a novel. Finally. and go over that stuff from 2011. But Im not fucking doing it here. Not here.

I need a real break. A retreat! a month or two. trying to persuade Mom but I dont know if that will work out anytime soon. These people are idiots.

and yes, I think the University of Michigan should be liable for this catastrophe also. They didn’t give me any pussy. I became an alcoholic. But I get to feel good about myself… I guess. hey. this is what dad wanted. An American college graduate. Right here.

I still fail to see any real Value in this pointless activity. They didn’t even teach me how to Close.

I need a fucking fellowship. or something.

Yes.. every year.. every year I seem to learn a few new things, for now. and I think that’s basically the only thing that keeps me going. what happens when even that’s gone. When there’s really nothing else to know….. what then.. do I do..?

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a process of elimination…

I know I should be doing something… but I just don’t know what.

I really don’t see any good ideas.

yes. half the time I really am just waiting… day dreaming… that some philosophical society will send me an award… or I get the Macarthur fellowship… it’s great. because you don’t even have to apply for those… you can just wait. hehe. and Visualize getting a fellowship. Like I said. I think I deserve it. it’s time.

yes, I’ve said many times, that some of my problem is being lazy, and feeling sorry for myself.

But look how far that got me! I’m 36. Not bad. World marathon record holder Kelvin Kiptum just died at 24. Hope he was sober… anyway.

what the hell am I supposed to do with myself?

I think I want to fall in love. hehe. Sometimes I run across the Deb McMillan Bridge in Rochester (MI) and see all these fucking locks hanging off it. fucking pisses me off. that really is a thing isn’t it? If you love someone, you go to the bridge, and you hang a fucking lock on it. Never got to do that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_lock

I’m always really good at coming up with reasons not to do shit.

Where do I start. Sales. Been doing sales since I was 12. Yes, I think that contributed to my depression. I’m more manic than depressive honestly. but. still. I’m not fucking doing sales. No more.

History. Well. you know. I talked about this before. they can’t even figure out what the hell happened on 911. Osama? heh. probably not. There’s Loose change (movie). there’s architects and engineers for truth. look it up. really. that’ll get you started. but… I bet if I open up a history book. it probably just says Osama. osama osama osama. hehe. No. I cannot take HISTORY seriously. Sorry. We’ve got to do better than that. I mean, actually. yes. I would be interested in figuring out what actually happened. but, apparently THEY dont want us to know. That’s why there’s all these fucking theories… and in my opinion… nothing really makes 100 percent sense.

Moving on to THE LAW. I probably wrote about this somewhere. the college friend who turned me on to Balzac all those years ago is actually a lawyer. hehe. LAWS ARE SPIDER WEBS… THROUGH WHICH BIG FLIES PASS. AND LITTLE ONES GET CAUGHT. Yes. there have been some great lawyers. Gerry Spence, I guess. But, mostly… I’m afraid it’s just going to make me even more insane.

Medicine. Well. you know. Some days I actually pray for cancer. hasn’t happened yet.

And speaking of Praying. How about theology. that’s always been big in America. Well. you know the story. I had an intervention. or something. they know. they know what happened. Cute psychiatric nurse starts talking to me about carpenters in Philadelphia. Not far from where Franklin flew his Kite (I just found out). and the Liberty bell. Very poetic. And shit, you know what. I think I saw God. something happened, that’s for sure. And since then, God hasn’t sent me a single email. So. Yes, some people busy themselves going to Divinity schools… but… well… honestly… what proof have you got, really? that God wants this or that. What fucking proof have you got to show me?

they didn’t even give me any pussy in college.

Finding that no religion is based on facts and cannot therefore be true, I began to reflect what must be the condition of mankind trained from infancy to believe in errors.

ROBERT OWEN
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Yes… I actually like older women.

at that point. they actually start making sense.

I am not cynical. I am just old. I know what is going to happen next

Fay weldon

and I like Ellen Fein…. who was the inspiration for starting this blog…. if you scroll far enough.

Just click Blog roll… and scroll. you’ll find it.

and there’s Kathleen parker… of course… and Heather Mac Donald…. what is it that she said… in her book. Let me find it. yep. here it is —

The new order is emerging as a bizarre hybrid of liberationist and traditionalist values. It carefully preserves the prerogative of no-strings-attached sex while cabining it with legalistic caveats that allow females to revert at will to a stance of offended virtue…

Heather…

so, of course. what I said… is Hold on a minute. hold. on. see, I was paying attention. and My SAT score is… pretty high… and you just said you FUCKED GUYS YOU JUST MET… a few times… and now you don’t want to give me that pussy???

well that’s fucked up. I dont know why we’re still talking… really. go on. go on and have fun….

and for me… well there was Amy… like 8 years ago. Jesus. Amy was really good in bed. she was Super. and now I dont really know what she’s doing. Is that enough for me? Just good in bed. and she gave me food… like she did for her cats…. hehehehehe…

do I want Kids? I don’t know. Like I said. I think the right thing is for me to back to Russia. But. No one is cooperating.

why?

oh… Jesus. really. I just want to live by the Mississippi in the south. somewhere near new orleans. that’s really all I want… like that guy in True Detective… I guess.

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LOSS PREVENTION

I really did go back to Dresden with Guggenheim money (God love it) in 1967. It looked a lot like Dayton, Ohio…

Kurt Vonnegut

Guggenheim money is chump change, these days. What I really want is that Macarthur grant. 800k over 5 years, isn’t it?

ya, I think I deserve it.

So the topic here is… Stealing. Theft.

I think it was back when I read the Kite Runner. A character there said… any crime… or sin… can be expressed as a form of Theft. I think that’s about right… as I recall.

Retail fraud. hehe

I think there’s now an entire industry out there for coming up with New words for things that are pretty obvious…. I think I’d be good at that.

Where do I sign up?

Now what about a man’s life? My life, for instance.

I guess if I were a more enthusiastic Sociologist… or anthropologist, or something… I guess I would apply for some grants or some shit… to go back to Russia… track down my 1st grade class (I have a picture somewhere…) in Samara… and I would compare it… to the MS class here (Norup), for instance. Emma Czarnecki. Yep. She died… didn’t she? Why. I dunno. I heard things… But I don’t really know.

I’m just saying. I would track down all the people, and I would ask some basic questions. Like. ARE THEY STILL ALIVE? That’s one. Then maybe I would ask. Did they have a reasonable opportunity to start a family? I don’t know what that means, exactly, but the words sound about right.

God knows I worked a lot. But I don’t think I had a reasonable opportunity to start a family. So I would look at some of these… metrics, and then I would say. Well if they’re pretty close… across the US and Russia… then why the fuck did you drag me here? Why?

Yes… yes I know Russia was kind of Rough in the 90s… but. shit. Look at all the shit I had to go through here… just to get through… College… hehe. and for what fucking purpose? Why?

And let’s go back to Jim Smith, for a minute. Ya. that one. The Labor department Smith.

there was a situation. He wanted me to apply an Exemption that didn’t exist.

Exemptions are narrowly construed, as an employer must prove that the employees fit “plainly and unmistakably” within the exemption’s terms

Wiki??

An employee was supposed to get 5,000 in back wages, by my calculations.

And Jim Smith said no. We’re not gonna make the EMPLOYER pay for this shit.

I think he was serious.

And I say. WHY? Jim, you had me study THE LAW, for the past 3 months. Why are you trying to grant the employer an EXEMPTION that doesn’t exist? Why? Clearly, there’s no exemption here, because, One the employee was paid by the hour, and Two, he was mostly performing manual labor. The fact that he was making 100k alone doesn’t grant an exemption in this case.

That was the law last time I read it.

We’re supposed to be protecting the EMPLOYEES here, aren’t we? What the fuck are you doing?

You’re about to allow 5,000 DOLLARS of wage theft. Why the fuck are you doing this?

and, more importantly, how many times have you Done this, over the course of your career?

You fucking piece of shit.

Well I think eventually I won that argument.

But why was there a fucking argument in the first place?

Why? Are you role playing? You should tell me, Jim, if we are role-playing.

Seemed to me like you were pretty serious about that one, for a while.

Ya. I know. I know you fucking remember. Scumbag.

America is a fucking shithole. Stop dragging people here.

Stop.

but, while I am here, I urge all readers, to writer letters to the WHD at the US Dol, so I can finally go back to doing my work. Please.

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd

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the Beginning.

I have to constantly remind myself that I play the game on a different level.

if some dumb bitch does not know for sure that she wants to make my babies

then I really don’t give a shit.

that’s one of the most valuable lessons I took from Russia. I had a girlfriend. I really did. She said my Mom was to be her Mother in law.

and I won’t forget. I’ll never forget that this is what Russia had for me. And America got me nothing. just a bunch of Random, BULLSHIT work. Fuck you. And Booze. I won’t complain about the booze, I guess. I love booze.

Who won the cold war. who knows. maybe no one. The ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS textbook says victors only Seem to win. it also says Visual proof is pretty weak proof… of anything.

But the world will always crave Beauty, will it not?

Birth control? Well I don’t know. I can’t say it is bad altogether.

But… but I am perfectly happy to see Russia aligning with the more traditional cultures… China… South America… maybe India, where they do seem to acknowledge the idea that something happens to a Man’s motivation when he finds out his beautiful 25 year old bride has actually had something like 20 to 30 other men’s Cocks already inside her.

Hmmm. Ya, I’m gonna say something’s wrong with that. Something just doesn’t feel right…

I won’t hide it. I suppose this is my little dating advertisement. It’s right here.

I’m 6’2 / 160 pounds maybe… I don’t eat much.

I run a 3 hour marathon.

Great education (Ross school of business)

I speak 2.5 languages.

So, I don’t know what else you ladies could possibly want. I tried getting a job First before. I tried that already. That didn’t work out. It did not work out for some reason. I can be a lying piece of shit at the US Labor department. I cant do this. It doesn’t take long for them to just give me some bullshit job where I cant be a lying piece of shit, who doesn’t know what is going on around him. that’s basically what they look for, I think. From my experience.

Jurgen Habermas… for some reason I really love this lecture –

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to tolerate the intolerant…

I think it was back in college that I had said once… true tolerance means you’ve got to tolerate the intolerant!!!!!!!

And I thought I was real smart. Years later… in fact not too long ago, I discovered that Karl Popper thinks I’m wrong… and now I am trying to understand his thinking… about tolerance… I’m sure he must be more right than I, because… after all, he was Karl Popper! And I’m a guy with a blog.

if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them…

Karl Popper

Then today I was thinking… well isn’t Tolerance kind of like Alcoholism… in that it’s Progressive. Murder is wrong. We won’t tolerate that, right? And we try to uh… keep drug use in society at a certain manageable level… I guess. Some things are Kosher… others not so much. Next I thought about religions. Well some things kind of make sense… and some things are kind of out there… I still have to get to a meeting of the Aetherius society. I know they’ve got a little lodge nearby. The aliens are coming…. I mean, as long as they’re not serving that Jonestown kool aid… I guess it’s still cool, right?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aetherius_Society

One society’s “tolerance” could be viewed… well, somewhat restrictive by others, right? I don’t know. I don’t really know what I am trying to say here… but it seemed important about an hour ago…… for some reason.

I guess I came up from a middle class background… more or less. Get through school, find a job you can tolerate, do your work. Don’t rock the boat. But then I watched that Jack Canfield movie. And he said I can have anything. ANYTHING! Just put it on the vision board. Ask, believe, receive. I started to drink in college, and eventually it was time to join AA. They told me about a loving, powerful God. Well that’s even better. At some point I started looking for this Higher power, and started tuning into Joel Osteen. Explosive Blessings! Wow. Now my expectations are REALLY high. Once in a while some asshole says something about getting a job, and I tell the fucker to go back to China. “Get a job” is not in the 12 steps. Fuck off…

By, Me
babies, books, communication, life, news, relationships, school, society, war, work

London.

Of course, I would never go against England because I was Basically raised on James Bond and the Hobbit. even in Russia. Why? Im not sure why….

And thats why this whole UK / Ukraine / Russia war seems unbelievable to me…

and I spent the last 10 years playing Runescape.

I think my great challenge in life has been to understand this Spiritual awakening thing some people like Eckhart Tolle talk about

Yes, I think it is real. and I think I had something like it. and I think it takes a lot of pain.

Love? yes. I love many people. Some of them are men and some of them are women

Bisexual? I would rather not put people into categories… like that.

I like to fuck girls, and talk to men…. how about that?

Alan Turing. Well. You know I keep hearing different versions of that story.

I believe the idea Today is more about who gets to make the babies… more than how to kill them, do you understand?

There are Elves out there who keep changing history. Really. they’re out there.

Sometimes they talk about “chemical castration” and sometimes… its suicide or something else.

I suspect what really happened is he got put into witness protection somewhere… and some BS got made up about what really happened. And maybe we did get to turn the war around because of him at Stalingrad.

Who the fuck really knows anymore. Right?

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2084970/