Playing a game is the voluntary attempt to overcome unnecessary obstacles – Bernard Suits.
Oh this worth writing about…. I guess. Spent the last 6 hours in a virtual world called Runescape.. Run. Escape. hehe
RS has been my good companion for the past 20 years or so. Yea. hard to hang with the young kids these days. Too old for this multi-tasking shit… too damn old.
Trying to defeat a new Foe. they call them Bosses. A big imaginary monster that… throws darts… spits out some kind of radiation?… and summons minions and tries to destroy you before you get to do the same…. to it. for some reason it reminded me of dating…
of course its a little addicting… because there’s a hierarchy of players based on skill. you can’t break the rules. you can use many potions, spells, and your own minions to achieve whatever it is you’re trying to achieve today. And… yes, you get a pretty good idea of how “Good” you are… relative to others.
I guess I do it because it just makes sense. The internet seems to work fine… today. No one’s trying to sabotage the gameplay. If I dont figure it out… I really have no one to blame but myself. in this specific situation. Not like the “real” world is it? there’s always liars… and uh, selective prosecutions… and at the end of the day I just had to say fuck it. I don’t know wtf is going on anymore. Things just don’t make sense. I look at people who have cancer and I get a little jealous. I look at guys waving a sign by the side of the road, and I think that’s not a bad way to make an honest living.
You know?
Someone long ago said what makes a hell on earth are our attempts to make it heaven…
shit. Karl Popper?? hehe, was that really him. I dunno. Like I said, I’m tired. I better sleep on it. Maybe things will make more sense in the morning.
economics is about how people make choice, sociology is about how they don’t have any choice to make…
Russell?
this is the start of something beautiful….
Ya fella lookin for work?
No, sir, no I am not. I Am looking for money, usually. and work always seems to get in the way, doesn’t it?
I’ll be conducting a sociological / economic experiment this winter. I’m going to find an intersection, somewhere in New Orleans. I’ll grow my beard out. I’ll have a large sign that says. Please Help. God Bless. I just want to see if I can make more money than the minimum wage just sitting there. for a couple of hours every morning. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Weather’s supposed to be nice. I’m gonna get a tent. I’m going to see if I can make it through the winter. Just livin’ off nature’s land… and asking commuters for money. and what do you really need if you don’t worry about lodging? you want your cuppa coffee, right? You want a decent lunch, I guess. and the rest of the dough you can spend at some bar at night. Right? Just wanna see if I can make it.
A few days ago, an idea popped into my head that I should write a story about a suicidal hypochondriac with a touch of OCD… who’s also an alcoholic. And then I thought. oh wait a minute, that’s just me…
If you dont work THE STEPS… You’ll be living in a van down by the river. – attributed to Chris Farley?
Years ago, one of these ex-sponsors gave me this warning. And today. 12 years after rehab, thousands of MEETINGS later, I’m beginning to think. I’ll take that deal. I just hope there’s a real van down there by the river. When I get there. I guess I should pick up a tent at Walmart on the way. I know they have alligators around there somewhere. I gotta ask about that. That’s something I’m going to try to avoid.
I’m going to pack. Im going to put on that Christian cross I have stashed away somewhere. For times like this. I’m not making fun of religion. I’m really not. I am not anti-religious. See, thinking back to all the times I was close to death gives me… some kind of meaning. no, not meaning. But I guess belief, that maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe God’s not done with me yet. But I don’t know. I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing here. What haven’t I tried, God? I think I tried everything… within reason.
New Orleans has been at the top of my Bucket list for years. I don’t even know why. I have absolutely nothing to do with New Orleans. I guess it’s supposed to be warm. The hottest girl I’ve ever met went to Tulane. I believe she said she had no choice… hehe. I guess I like Cajun food. I like that Jambalaya. it’s good stuff. Oh, and I guess there’s the movies. Easy Rider… Runaway Jury… Deja Vu with Denzel. What else is there. Sonny… hehe. that’s a good one. And there’s the one about vampires with Brad Pitt, right? All very good New Orleans pictures. IN BOBBY LONG, the narrator says… this town’s some kind of… Siren, right? and I do believe it finally seduced me… The Big Easy. I’ve got to check it out. Oh, Isn’t that where J K. Toole was from? Yep. That’s right. 31 years old. the man made a dent in the universe, for sure.
So I get my sign. I find an intersection. And what happens? Oh. 35 bucks after two hours. Saturday morning. You might think Sunday’s the day. It’s church day. But no. nooo. Sunday’s the day they dread Monday. they don’t want the kids to see people like me getting free money. you know? But Saturday. saturday’s the day to seek charity. You see, they still think they’re free. hehe. That’s when they’re generous. They think they’re free….
I’ve been doing this a while now. I guess it’s fair to say this is par for the course. I dont know what the laws really are that regulate this kind of uh… occupation. Sometimes someone will yell get a job. or a cop will throw you a 10 and ask you to find another location for the rest of the day… or week. But. hey. the preachers do it. I’m just more honest about it… I think…
So. yes. I’ll have my lunch. And I’ll go to Audubon park. And then I’ll find the dive where I’ll be exchanging the rest of this money for… heh poison?
Oh look it’s a girl. No. No I will not take your number. Not tonight.
You see, I promise you that you’ll never like me more than you like me now. So let’s just get it over with. Look at me. I shaved… this week. I just got a job at the docks. I’m no more than 5 drinks in, and your best friend just fucked your other best friend. So what the fuck are we waiting for? We will never have a more perfect moment.
and she is convinced. The stars align. we walk a couple blocks. find her place. she hands me another beer, and lights a candle.
as many of you know…. I am a University of Michigan graduate. I guess I’m pretty smart, but there were definitely classes I struggled with in Ann Arbor, so I guess I’m not as brilliant as I thought I was.
I like to check in once in a while, with my alma mater. I once asked for a million dollars (True story), and they sent a detective out here. They don’t just give out money, I guess… there’s always hoops to jump through.
Now, I haven’t actually reached out to this POVERTY SOLUTIONS group. It looks like it may just be one guy coloring excel sheets or something, but I really think the Name is a little uh…. ill-fitting, I want to say. Like everything around here, in America. lots of HOPE… not much substance.
No, Mr. Luke does have a large staff, actually. Data, data, data. STRATEGIC PROJECTS. They have a Communications Specialist and also a Senior Communications Specialist. Wow. and they’re all SOLVING POVERTY.
See, for me, being an alcoholic, homelessness became a real possibility after graduation. if it weren’t for the codependent Mom, I probably would be on the street somewhere. I wonder how many homeless University of Michigan graduates there are. I bet the Poverty Solutions director knows. I am real curious.
So. I don’t know. maybe I should reach out to them. I am just trying to imagine how that Conversation might go. He might tell me to go SEE SOMEONE (like a therapist). that’s what the Detective said when she arrived here. And I did. I saw lots of therapists. probably close to a dozen. they haven’t even gotten me sober yet.
or, maybe. GET A JOB. JUST GET A FUCKING JOB SOMEWHERE.
No, no no no no. See, that would be ME doing stuff. Everyone and their Cat tells me to get a job. That’s not very original. See, you’re the guy with the POVERTY SOLUTIONS. so Solve my Poverty!!!
How about this, how about you tell me how I can get my very Own Poverty Solutions bullshit budget, and I bet that would solve some problems. for me.
now i no 