In the Spirit of “FML” and “Texts from Last night” We bring you a daily idea to slow down and take it easy…. Welcome to Now I No.
Cat pic credit – Kate Stone Matheson
In the Spirit of “FML” and “Texts from Last night” We bring you a daily idea to slow down and take it easy…. Welcome to Now I No.
Cat pic credit – Kate Stone Matheson
After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself, as to see all the other fellows busy working – Kenneth Grahame
My worst fear came true. I became a food service manager after college. Fast food. I remember thinking about this years ago. Thinking about all of these hundreds of thousands of people all over America. Wondering how they do it. How the fuck do they do it?
And then I became one.
How did I end up here? Well. I suppose I had more drinking nights than book nights in college, and I ended up with a heartbreaking 2.93 GPA. If I had gotten a 2.95, I could just put a 3 on my resume, and get some decent interviews, maybe. But.. this.. this 2.93 meant options were limited. I thought about going for a real estate license, but I’ve already met too many annoying broads in that field. I’m dumb because I’m a drunk. They’re just dumb by default, you know? You know what I’m saying? Food service actually seemed like the lesser evil.
About a year out of college, a more intriguing opportunity came my way via an old roommate. He was at one of the AI companies, and said they were looking to hire FREE TIME testers. They figured pretty soon jobs were really going to disappear rather fast, and the government gave them a grant to study how normal people might respond to all the leisure.
It was a quick phone interview with a Mr. Morgan.
I first asked why they don’t just hire Homeless people.
“They’re just different,” he said.
Then, I had to point out that it’s not a great experiment because if everyone really does become unemployed in the future, this lifestyle would become a social norm, not an aberration. He said that’s really clever, but he still had to hire 5 guys in this town.
Was I in or out?
So what’s the deal? The study lasts for 60 days. I’d get 50 bucks a day, paid weekly. I’m supposed to avoid any activity I would consider work. I’m supposed to ask 3 local strangers out on dates, and report how that goes. Report any police contact, also.
As expected, the first week was a very welcome holiday. Basically, I’d get drunk and go to the movies.
How about some exercise? Sure, I can do some jogging. What bliss.
3 weeks in, the company called to remind me that I had to look for a date. And it should be someone I haven’t met yet.
Could be tricky.
I remembered that the library had social events and book readings every other week or so. Here we go. A friendly little thing, it seems. The name’s Sally.
Sally was some kind of social worker. I told her about my little adventure and she gave me a frown.
I said I actually tried to get out of it at the interview, but I also really needed a change. How about Sushi?
Sushi it is.
“So what do you Actually want to do?”
Oh. You mean like.. professionally? For the rest of my life?
“Sure… something like that” says Sally.
I remembered that I always fucking hated these conversations. Am I going to impress her with a lofty goal? Should I err on the side of humility maybe? Let’s try to come up with something honest, and see if that works.
“I guess I wanted to be a lawyer and a judge,” I say. “But the only class I failed in college was Logic. So now.., now I am just lost and confused.”
There’s more to life than logic! You’re young. I’m sure you’ll find something satisfying. You got a favorite book?
Sure, I like Camus. I keep wondering if his “accident” was actually a suicide. He seemed like the type, right?
“As I recall, he wasn’t driving”
Well, I guess you know more than I do. I wasn’t there. Believe half that you see, and nothing you read, right?
“Yeah, I think I heard that one somewhere…”
“Well.. how’s this going so far? You got other plans tonight, or should we go get a drink somewhere?”
I think I do have plans… let’s maybe chat again in a few, okay?
No problem…
So that was Sally. I went to the bar anyway and tried to flirt with the bartender. Maybe I can count that too.
So, the first month went by. It was rather uneventful. I began to feel a little empty, and I began to dread going back to work. Fucking food service. How the hell did I end up here? I don’t think these jobs are going anywhere. People always need to go somewhere where someone’s nice to them. Someone that’s not a goddamn robot. I think that’s what I’ll tell Morgan at the debrief.
I want to grow. I want to have a sense of accomplishment. But how is that going to work? If the same fat fucks are always hungry the next day. On Day 57 I got arrested for peeing in an alley behind a bar. Well, whaddya know… I guess idle hands are the devil’s workshop.
Dedicated to one or two women who maybe liked me.. years ago. and inimitable… Philip K. Dick.
For those of you who skipped their women’s studies classes, first-wave feminism got women the vote; second-wave got them employed and divorced; third-wave is busy making them porn stars. More or less – Kathleen Parker
Someone once told me that I was good enough looking, that if I were just nice to girls, I could probably get laid pretty often. I don’t think I ever actually tried doing it that way.
These are the phases that you go through, I suppose. You’re young. You’re surrounded by people. You’re anxious. and Annoyed. You drink. You’re alone. You’re afraid of dying alone. I think eventually you figure out… alone might be kind of nice. Because you’re so goddamn tired of being nice to people. Would anyone ever really love the real you? Doubtful… Someone wise once said.. what you really want doesn’t actually exist in reality. Now you go and think about that one…
Lucky for me, I was the only one at that fucked up party who actually figured out her costume – Pris. And you don’t dress like that.. unless you want some. Am I right or am I Right?
She wasn’t perfect.. but you know what, she was pretty close. The only question now is, could I actually leave behind this fucking self-pity I had become so addicted to. Senior year. I think I really was doing these calculations somewhere in the back of my mind. Just imagine. If I don’t get laid THIS year.. then shit. I could actually keep feeling sorry for myself FOREVER. I mean look, I didn’t even get any pussy in college. What are they going to say to that? This is America, and there ain’t a worse punishment imaginable.. Look at him. He didn’t even get any pussy in college. Right?
So what’s the plan going to be here? We close. We start talking about our parents.. and the future perhaps… I hope that when I actually have to see these other parents, they’ll hate me enough that I don’t have to feel too bad about the inevitable breakup. Ideally, I can get enough sex out of this and be done with her by Christmas.
So you live in this house? (She jolts me out of the daydream)
Uh.. no, Jerry does. Let me talk to a couple people first, then we’ll get going.
I never said I’m going home with you! I was just wondering. I think the girls and I have other plans.
Whatever. Give her space.
A few drinks later she does wander over to the couch, and again starts chatting.
So you said you don’t live far, is that right?
I like your type, I say…
Which is?
You’re the type who’ll have a lot of regrettable sex because you’re afraid you can’t get the guy you really want to be with.
It took a few seconds for her to start laughing.
She came back with the usual, I guess that’s what college is for, isn’t it?
You wanna watch Blade Runner with me or no?
We do indeed end up at my place pretty soon that night. I never even have to meet the parents. She found some other inebriate between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I guess it’d be worse if she were perfect.
So I am thinking of applying to an exclusive fiction writing program in the fall. I’ve got a few half-baked stories and Essays out there… I do read a lot of crap too, and I think my crap is basically as good as anyone’s crap. Over the past few days I was working on this one story. My rule for short fiction is.. Write it.. then give it a week. if it still makes you laugh, it’s not bad. That’s my theory. I hope I can come up with something else that’s new this summer.. but don’t get your hopes up. This theme of a depressed man reconnecting with a long lost child has been used before, I am sure, but I hope I’m giving it a good twist of my own… – Dmitry Dyatlov, 2025.
Waiting in the therapist’s office, I had some time to reflect on what went on this spring… in Ohio.
I almost became a father. Of course, the best time to find out you’re a father is just before you kill yourself.
I believe that you’ve got to have some kind of moral compass or, rather, a guiding philosophy in life. Mine has always been, everything is good in Small doses. I’m a pharmacist. At least, I used to be. I guess that’s where it comes from. I moved up to Atlanta after I got my degree.
Holly got my current number from a mutual college friend and called at the strangest moment. I was preparing to mix a nice little cocktail of pharmaceuticals to permanently relieve me of the pain of.. Life. And out of nowhere.. Holly.
I guess you could say I got exactly what I always wanted at 34. I got married, and divorced. and I still got to keep the Land Rover. Used. Not too used. Life’s good, isn’t it? However, most days I still felt like I was doing a jail sentence.
Opioids. I was beginning to like them too, and I knew that if at some point, someone at that place ever figured out how to count, well, we would have to have a very uncomfortable conversation. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but something about the scripts seemed more and more suspicious the last few years. All these drugs, it just can’t be healthy. I didn’t want to annoy the Boss with every little inconsistency.
“Just give ’em the pills, you’re not a doctor.”
That’s right. I don’t make the rules.. I just work here. Anyway, after a few years of this, the pesky conscience did begin to hit the brakes on me. I just had to get out. Possibly, I could come back, but right now, I really had to leave. A family member was in desperate need of help, I said, in Ohio! And so I got my month off. And, by some miracle, I did have to go to Ohio, after all.
I suppose I just lost the sense that I was really helping anyone there, you know?
Getting married was something I always wanted to do and at the time it seemed acceptable. This was years before Holly’s little intervention, remember. She seemed acceptable. The wife. I met a Brazilian nurse who drank a little too much. Honeymoon was fantastic. But, you know how it is. Couple years go by, a few extra pounds. Then there was the time her mom went off medication. She would call us 3 times a day for a month. She’d get locked out, or she really thought that someone was hiding in her closets. Oh, and finally, the cheating. You know what happens when you marry a cute little nurse, don’t you? She’s gonna try to trade you in for a doctor… probably sooner rather than later. C’est la vie. She said… she said she just got bored and it meant nothing. Just move on. And so we did… Move on. Separately.
She just GREW UP, you see? Nothing makes me want to die as much as people telling other adult people to GROW UP. Would you like to see my birth certificate? Or my college diploma? I suppose they have a point. I seem to be the only one who gets stuck in the past, trying to invent a time machine… why can’t I just move along? Why does every little fling have to be so special?
In the 90s, my small Florida college was a bit like… a sexual wine tasting. I didn’t have to worry about money at the time. I ran the mile pretty fast. Solid scholarship. Track was cool, at this school, apparently. The female entourage on weekends was actually impressive. And once in a while they let you fool around with the snatch. Everyone has to tell you their pedigree before copulation. Well I am Polish-Italian, or German-Irish, or just a Jew… I think I met at least 7 different kinds of Asian and I still can’t tell them all apart. Was there a Latina in there somewhere? I believe there was… we didn’t get very far. Catholic… she says. Virgin. I guess I wasn’t sleeping with the girls I really wanted, but at least I was sleeping, with people, once in a while. I suppose I got enough sex to not have to hate women forever. We should all be so lucky.
Speaking of hating women. That’s kind of how Holly and I met. There was this one Sociology class senior year led by a fervent anti-Misogynist named G. Wallace. Typical academic. Some kind of fancy, flamboyant jacket, large glasses, ponytail. A tad more body fat than optimal, I am sure. I remember one day when some fool asked him point blank why women always seem so capricious. Wallace told him the facts… the truth. Look, girls have a short time horizon, and a huge potential investment from sex. You, my friend, can still fuck around till, oh 45 or even 50 maybe and then still get your shit together, find a feeble-minded Doe outside some therapist’s office, and make babies. You see what I’m saying? We were assigned to groups for a project. It was me, Holly, and a far less attractive female specimen. The three of us would get coffee once in a while.
So, a few months back, mid-March, I guess, Holly called and said she wanted to catch up. I said this is great timing, as I had a vacation coming up. What a strange coincidence, huh?
I did go up to Ohio, not too far from Columbus was where she lived. And here it is. Here she is. The female child that’s about to give life meaning. Holly seemed so certain that it was me. That it was Mine. I guess I do remember that night in ’97. Sort of. Classes were done. We had a few days before graduation. After checking out some dives (bars) in that Florida town, we expressed mutual interest. We did exchange numbers, but never really kept in touch. I had Grad school and she had to fulfill some kind of missionary commitment… for her church. They shipped her off to Peru, or Bolivia, or one of these places.
“May I ask why you thought this would be such a great time for us to get acquainted?”
And she says her parents died. A week apart. Around Christmas.
“and what exactly does she know about me?”
That you were deported.
Alright, fair enough. I guess I’d buy that, if I were 12. Would I stoop so low as to order the customary DNA test? You know, at some point I probably will. But we’ll see how this goes first. There’s no rush. Why not at least entertain the idea? The eyes… Yes, they could be my eyes. Very pretty.
Their suburban place was big and everyone felt it was appropriate for me to stay with the newfound family. Mary, Holly, and I. After a couple days I decided to start dispensing fatherly advice.
“So what is going on with you, kid?”
Lots of people said that Michael likes me, but when I gave him a “Valentine” last month he told me to jump off a cliff.
Well, I suppose that happens sometimes. People actually love feeling sorry for themselves, you know? They call it a Secondary payoff, I think. You don’t get what you really want, but it’s almost like… like a Silver medal, I guess. You get to Sulk all day, and there’s no fear of loss. Imagine… just imagine having absolutely nothing to complain about. We would die of boredom. Maybe his ‘loving’ parents have horrible fights. So that’s what he’s been associating with attraction. Who knows what’s really going on with this Mike kid. Let me tell you this. Give it a year, and if you still like the kid, give him a Psychology book next year. Something by BERNE, Eric. I think he might appreciate it.
Later that week, I found one of those Bumper car places in Columbus… it’s the stupidest thing in the world, but I always wanted to take my kids to a Bumper car attraction. And then Ice cream.
So the pharmacy job was still an option, and I could put in for a transfer to Ohio, I guess. I still had a few days to make up my mind about what to tell these people.
Toward the end of April, Holly said we had to meet another friend.
Holly and I went to a diner nearby. Well, what a surprise. It’s the old Professor. G. Wallace. Explanation? After getting sober, this sneaky asshole also got a divorce… then got hired by Ohio State after Florida. Said he had to track down an old flame for an AMENDS, you see? Of course, he and I were quite surprised to see each other.
Yes, it’s certainly not Okay to sleep with students. It says so in every university manual, I am sure. But this complicates our situation now, doesn’t it? What exactly was the timeline of Holly’s shameful liaisons?
One might ask why Holly didn’t do the test herself. The DNA test. And I suppose, the only plausible explanation is she believed her own Bullshit. She repressed the particulars of those last few stressful weeks of college, maybe drank a little too much. I suppose I must have made a better impression. Who really wants to remember screwing some Icky 45-year old professor, with a ponytail? She said they ran into each other at some kind of concert.
Soon enough, we had the final verdict. I am Not the daddy, after all.
It was all very nice, and now it’s kind of nice that it’s all over. Mary is still the child of someone that I maybe used to love, and I suppose that’s good enough. We can all be Friends, I guess. I gave her some money and a birthday card with that John Lennon quote – If you can’t be happy, then you don’t know anything about life… something like that. I told her to start jogging and think more about Jesus.
The aging academic said he’ll gladly take over relevant duties. And I said I prefer the South anyway.
What else can I say about kids? I just know that if I say too much, they will blame me for everything.
And remember, everything is good in small doses. Especially family.
If there’s delight in love, ‘Tis when I see that heart, which others bleed for, bleed for me – William Congreve
I took a certain pride in knowing I’d helped ruin his life enough to give him something substantial to write about – Mick Jagger
I started thinking.. the other day about whether or not I actually broke any hearts, really? If I can find like 3, then maybe I’d be happy. hehehe. Pretty fucked up, isn’t it? Is this a diagnosable condition?? Did anyone actually Want to go to prom, with me? Or.. or maybe that Megan girl I roomed with for a few weeks in Chicago. I think maybe Megan liked me. maybe not. She looked pretty frail.. but I do hope she’s alive.. somewhere..
Maybe it was just the one girl.. in Russia.. who wanted to marry me when we were 10 or 11.
I keep discovering writers who killed themselves in their 40s.. or drank themselves to death, which is arguably the same thing.. so.. even THAT is not original. You begin to wonder.. around this time, I suppose.. will there ever be a second act? Another chapter in this crazy life. they had that plane and black hawk crash at Reagan the other day. No survivors. It’s not always so dramatic.. but it begins to dawn on you that.. this.. All this will soon be over, and maybe you won’t even see it coming. And if you see it coming.. yeah, I suppose I’d rather see it coming. There must be.. a date.. in the Akashic field (Ervin Laszlo, Edgar Cayce) or whatever the hell that is. Look it up. it’s interesting stuff.. this Akashic business.
I think it’s another common theme in Alcoholics anonymous. IF YOU LIKE ME, THEN I’LL DESPISE YOU.. right? Pretty fucked, I guess. I think I heard something like that before..
I think there’s another game called Stump your Therapist. I’m pretty good at this game. That’s where I came up with – MY QUALITY OF LIFE DOESN’T JUSTIFY THE EFFORT REQUIRED TO COPE WITH IT.
Pretty good, eh? Or.. my Higher power doesn’t want me to get a shitty job in addition to being a miracle.
Or, Why don’t you make me Care about Life again? It’s your job, not mine. You’re the EXPERT.
So, anyway, Still looking for a prestigious publisher for my Autobiography. I think we’ll call it – IF THERE WAS A TEST, I MUST HAVE FAILED IT.
another one is – IF YOUR LIFE IS A LIVING HELL, THEN WHY DO YOU WANT MORE OF IT??
You know.. good things do happen, sometimes. I really did find a backpack with $52 dollars around this time last year. That was nice. But I still didn’t get the stimulus. what do I really want? I think I just want to drive one of those streetcars in New Orleans. that’s what I want.
this.. I think this is called “Secondary gain” in the business –

Law of Conservation of Energy.
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. Edgar Allan Poe.
No, we’re not going to talk too much about Physics. maybe toward the end there.
Maybe I’m a weak writer. But I like to think that I am stingy with writing because women were always stingy with sex. Well, except that one time.
What I had in mind was writing a tale about a fellow who progressively does less.. and less, and less.. until he turns into.. some kind of plant. Some oak trees live for centuries. Did I get that from somewhere? Someone? I don’t know.. Probably. Let me know if it sounds familiar. nothing comes to mind right now.
What is it now.. almost 40. Well. Like I said before.. I’ve outlived J.K. Toole.. and that guy who wrote Leaving Las Vegas. O’Brien. I still like to see a doctor once a year. He usually says something about my liver enzymes. The only real question I have is if I’ll live long enough to get Social security. Free money, at last.
Almost daily I am horrified by things my parents say. Horrified. But, they’re the employable ones in this household. Explain that to me. It is only by confusing and distracting these “normal” people do we get to avoid Apocalypse. They never get enough time to put their foolishness into action. I do. they always have some fucking appointment.. or bill to pay.. some equally insane relatives to talk to.
I do not bother my head about these things…
I watch people run around as if they have cancer (terminal), but to me it seems like they really just forgot to water their plants. Once. Why do you need so many plants?
So, you see, for all practical purposes, I have cracked immortality. I have something like 8500 days left until retirement. What.. what haven’t I done. Always wanted a boat, I guess. But the nice ones are expensive. Would I like to travel somewhere? No. I don’t…
A few weeks ago I figured out I can pee and brush my teeth simultaneously. I used to not brush my teeth at all for weeks.. sometimes. but now, I realized I do have a free hand for most of the time that I am peeing. So I can be slightly more presentable. Remember that? We always get what we need. But not always what we want. Peeing, in the bathroom is a pretty hard requirement. Everything else is kind of a wish-list item. I don’t really see what I get out of it.
What. what are we Really here for? I watched one of the movies about Yogananda recently. As the prospective disciple bows, the great Guru asks if he struggles with Sex, Wine or Money.
No, sir. Not a problem at all. if there’s money, I usually buy Sex. And wine. Hehe. He didn’t say that. I did.
No, I suppose I’m not monk material. But I always had some suspicion that there must be some logic behind all the insanity I see. In the mind of God, at some quantum level, if you go far enough back.. or deep into the cells and atoms, maybe I’ll figure something out and things will make sense. Maybe I’ve got to help the person I screwed over 7 lifetimes ago. and THEN I would feel complete and satisfied. But where is this person? I need a sign.
Time to go see the Doctor, I guess.
imdb.com/title/tt3197802/
Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together – Petrarch
By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be – Irvine Welsh
no, not depressed today. Actually, I am probably a little Manic. thats why.. that’s why I’m in a writing Mood I guess. But.. couple days ago I was watching a little talk by Niall Ferguson on the subject. We’ll come back to that…
You know one thing I really am grateful for.. is my Memory. Some people say that’s why Hemingway Off’ed himself. He saw he lost the magic. Electroshock fucked something up. Once in a while, I think I still have THE MAGIC. uh… I’ll come back to that also.. Maybe today. Maybe Not.
Four years ago I posted on Facebook, hey look, I made it to 33 and I am still alive. I Outlived Jesus of Nazareth. And Now I got 4 more years. Nothing much has changed.. but.. hey, I guess most people think it’s better to be alive than the alternative.
I did. I did try to contact “Poverty Solutions.” Because in AA they tell me to ASK FOR HELP. So I did. I found the Appropriate resource, and I Asked for Help. Yep.
For some reason these idiots referred me to the Police department, Again. And I want THE WORLD to see this. I want Someone to explain to me WHAT THE FUCK is going on. WHY are these scumbags avoiding responsibility? Why do you believe that a 36 year old male with 39 cents in his bank account, Living with Mom Does NOT qualify for your help. You’re the University of Michigan. You say you’re Solving poverty. I want you to Grow the HELL up and DO what you say you’re qualified to be doing. Just Grow up!
This isn’t funny anymore. I am really not making a joke here. Someone has to GROW THE HELL UP.
This morning in the shower what I really wanted to write about was.. sex or Self pity. Which would you rather have? Of course you need to have had both to make an Informed decision. And you know what. you know what.. I think I’m leaning toward Self-pity. What is it now? 28 years left. till I get that Social security check. If they don’t solve my poverty Sooner. Fine. you know what. FUCKING FINE! I can wait 28 years. I keep getting better at waiting. I’ll ride this horse all the way to Retirement!
It’s not like I haven’t tried other things. I got this guy’s book. D. D. Burns. And I can’t get through the fucking chapter on Motivation. He’s supposed to be as good as they come. Fucking Amherst, UPenn, Stanford. Holy shit. I even said I’ll work for him. he needed a test driver for his Ai therapist I think, but I assume the position has been filled. Oh well.
My real therapist, currently, sometimes talks about REALITY. Reality? You know what that makes me think of? That makes me think of Freight trains. That’s as real as it gets, buddy. If you don’t get out the way of That thing, game over. Reality. Fucking asshole. No. I’m really not depressed today. this is not a “Gesture”
I just want him to get a little more specific, that’s all. If by reality you mean you want me to get a shit job, for shit money, and do all this while I’m SOBER, Well you can go Fuck yourself. Reality. THAT is why I think of Freight trains.
Yeah, I used to think girls were real special. Like most young men.. I thought.. I thought if one day I would actually make love to a really beautiful woman, things would change.. dramatically. Something Fantastic, and Magical would happen. Have I done it yet? Heh, I’m not sure. I guess eventually I made up in quantity.
You have to define success and be happy when you get it!
That’s it. That’s my little therapy tip. Original? I think so.
You know if I did have.. a Magic wand.. a time machine, I wouldn’t even go back to 2009. Because if I could have a do-over with Roxi.. well.. well then I wouldn’t have Any Self-pity!! Why would I give THAT up? HAHAHAHAHA.
But I Would go back to… 2010. Because that’s when I met M. no wait.. maybe it was 2011 already. Anyway. It was that Winter. I believe it was pretty cold. She broke up with BOYFRIEND. She was in town for training, a week? and Oh God She was something. We were, what? 23 and 25 I guess. I thought it was perfect.. MEANT to be. mm.. I know her name.. I know where she went to school.. but you know what.. she met my friend.. Rafferty. They seemed to get along.. Rafferty is dead by the way.. I am pretty sure. Suicide probably. For other reasons. Anyway. I was jealous.. of course.. and I believe the Bro Code says, I SAW IT FIRST, so its supposed to be mine. I went back.. grabbed my bag from her hotel room that I strategically placed earlier (sneaky), and I just had to leave. I think we started off well, but my drunken self was eventually creeping her out. She said maybe tomorrow.. hehe. No. I stayed away from the Crowne Plaza that week. Maybe she found Raff again. Who knows. I am sure if I DID have a time machine.. I could make that night work, eventually. But.. I don’t know. I don’t seem to meet spectacular women anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m not that hungry. Maybe it’s just impossible.. to make it work. Maybe I’m too addicted to Self pity.. No going back.. no going back they say.
Memory. yes. when we run out of booze, we feed on memories. I think it’s not a bad way to live.
Wrapping this up, I guess. Also, Something fun for election season!. Part 2 was somewhat popular. 6 likes from people. I was humble enough to include myself in this last list.. heh. Thanks! I want to say I’m at a good stopping point.. but we haven’t reached 360 yet, have we? You know.. these past 10 years, I tried a lot.. and hard to find something else to do.. but.. of all the things.. this isn’t bad, is it? Collecting quotations. See, with enough good ideas.. I get to poke holes in most of the bullshit people try to baffle me with. You want me to get a job? Really? You really want me to be EMPLOYABLE? Well, you know that will cost a lot of money. Life’s short.. and I’m expensive. Because I have self esteem. that’s right. I dont give a fuck about the MARKET. it doesn’t work. the fucking market doesn’t work. I checked all the boxes…… No. I guess not. But I checked enough boxes. heh. Going down to New Orleans last year was great. I logged something like 900 miles running this year. This shit’s getting boring also. I don’t know. I don’t see any Good ideas. but that’s no reason to surrender to… coloring spreadsheets.. or buildings sandcastles.. or some such nonsense. Remember.. every few years.. 40.. 50.. 60.. 70… we all get a little bit dumber. There’s no going back.. hehe.. they say. If I ever make it that far.. well, I’ll always need this arsenal of Wisdom to make a good impression.
Well. this is Part 2. So we’re up to.. about 165? another 200 good ones.. will be hard to find. But.. find them we will! Someday… I guess there is a bit of a theme here. A lot of quotes here are mostly about dumping out the Garbage we’ve all been taught. And a little more diversity, I guess.
So Philip Zimbardo died earlier this month. I also had sort of a near death experience.. if you follow my other publication.. well maybe you know. Seemed like a trap. really seemed like some kind of trap to me. Thought I’d catch a ride on a freight train.. always wanted to do it. anyway. you probably want to JUMP OFF the thing maybe before it starts goin over 20 miles per hour or so. it won’t be a soft landing…..
I do.. I really do have to get going on finishing up this little project. My work.. no, Hobby the past 10 years has been the collecting of quotes.. and Im up to 3230 so far. And I suppose it is time to pare down the list to just the ones.. I really cannot live without. Let’s say Elon Musk figures out how to augment your brain and working memory and stuff.. and really makes us all.. Wiser? let’s say it works out. and I wake up in the morning. And I want to download a list of things TO REMEMBER. every single day. let’s say it’s a list of 365 little reminders.. then I suppose this would be my list. You might have seen these little meditation books that are popular with people who Used to use drugs.. or Christians.. both. anyway.
If you’ve got Strong ties to Hazelden publishing, maybe put in a good word?
I decided to give myself an Education I missed out on.. when I was busy boozing at UM. Didn’t even get laid. Fucking unbelievable. I don’t know how they get away with this shit.
I thought I had KILLER title when I first tried doing this a few years ago. but.. the list grew. this’ll probably be published in 3 parts.. 120 – 120 & 125. perhaps I’ll shuffle them around a bit later. I do realize this first one here is quite a bit biased toward Male authors.. all I can say is.. I sort for powerful ideas.. that resonate (with me). But.. I know. I know I’ll try to add some Diversity later… I think I’ll limit each author to 3 appearances.
So, here it is. Have another drink from my.. Fire Hydrant. heh.
The fact that you have unlimited texts does not necessarily mean that you cannot stop talking: Meditations for recovery from the compulsive behavior of your choice.
44.. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools – Herbert Spencer (that reminds me of something…..)
45. Never complain of that of which it is at all times in your power to rid yourself – Adam Smith
46. There seems to be some perverse human characteristic that likes to make easy things difficult – Warren Buffett
47. No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true – Nathaniel Hawthorne
48. No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man – Heraclitus
49. Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are a part of the mystery that we are trying to solve – Max Planck
50. If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants – Isaac Newton
51. Integrity has no need of rules – Albert Camus
52. He who loves the more is the inferior and must suffer – Thomas Mann
53. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment – Emerson
54. Prejudices are what fools use for reason – Voltaire
55. ..our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers – M. Scott Peck
56. To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible – Aquinas
57. None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free – Goethe
58. It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness – Tolstoy
59. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light – Plato??
60. To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult – Plutarch
61. To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail – Maslow
62. If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later – Maslow
63. We’re developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won’t be able to think – Rod Serling
64. One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries – AA Milne
65. Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important – Stephen Covey
66. All language is but a poor translation – Kafka
67. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate – Carl Jung
68. We are not rich by what we possess but by what we can do without – Kant
69. It is very difficult also to sacrifice one’s suffering. A man will renounce any pleasures you like but he will not give up his suffering – GI Gurdjieff
70. My destination is no longer a place, rather a new way of seeing – Proust
71. No matter how thin you slice it, there will always be two sides – Spinoza?
72. It’s necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live – Dumas
73. If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they’ll kill themselves laughing – ALBERT ELLIS
74. Humility is the awareness that there’s a lot you don’t know and that a lot of what you think you know is distorted or wrong – David Brooks
75. The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere – Anne Lindbergh
76. Beauty fades, dumb is forever – Judge Judy
77. Non nobis solum nati sumus (I think that’s something about Selfishness..) – Cicero
78. The more we love someone, the less we flatter them; it is by excusing nothing that true love shows itself – Moliere
And that’s about it for today. Uh. Yeah, a little short of my goal. But. We’ll see. We’ll see if I can come up with another 290 meaningful quotations from the Master list… Left some question marks when I was unsure about authorship… That might be a challenge if we want to get it all right.
To be Continued.
365… There are only two ways of telling the complete truth–anonymously and posthumously – Thomas Sowell.
oh I want to talk about running. Just like Haruki.. hehe.
because That’s about all I do.. thats somewhat productive.
this really is a great time to Run in Michigan. Low 60s in the morning.
sometimes there is a little mist. Very peaceful.
If you get your ass out of bed before 9, it’s always refreshing. You won’t regret it.
but you gotta do it. Doing it. getting up. Is getting kind of hard.
I had a little insight the other day, I guess. We often look up people… like Jim Ryun… Gerry Lindgren. and we see how fast they run. ran. what medals they earned. Wow, that’s fast.
And then last night I watched a Jack Daniels video about… about what they did to get there. and no.. that’s not something we think about too much. Look at all the work. the hundreds and thousands of miles they travelled. to get to that.. that one race. that makes them a Champion.. forever.
They always talk about delayed gratification… just wait.. just wait and things will be better.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But in life it’s really not so simple is it. Everyone gets to take a course on the law of delayed consequences, before you get to call yourself Adult… required course for Adulting. The law of delayed consequences. At some point. we get to take that course.
You know for me.. I know I have to work my ass off the next month.. 28.. 27 days. to get in shape. and then maybe I’ll run that Boston qualifying marathon… but that doesn’t happen until.. April 2026. If I get every day right. Enough work. enough Food.. enough rest.. the next 28 days. After that there’s not much to worry about. You just show up. and You do what you’ve been training for. Just do it. hehe.
But.. right now Im Anxious. I gotta get up. and Get those miles in. Every day. I gotta push myself a little harder every day. Then you run that race.
and you get to keep it. forever.